Still Chasing Perfection? Here’s How to Embrace The Chaos

Last week, I talked about giving up the chase for perfection and finding joy in the chaos. 

I meant every word. 

But after re-reading that post, I couldn’t help but wonder if you were thinking: Well, that sounds great and all Ashlee, but how do I actually stop? It’s a mindset I’ve been building for decades!

And you’re absolutely right to ask, because the truth isn’t as simple as deciding which ice-cream flavour between chocolate and vanilla.

Script-Breaker, let me admit right here and right now that I did not stop chasing my ideals around perfection due to one ‘aha’ moment, rather I had to commit to making one tiny mental adjustment every time I caught myself starting to arrange those metaphorical throw pillows again.

While I never said it would be easy to stop the addiction for perfection, and actually embracing such a wild thing as chaos, I can say that it’s worth it to feel less stressed out, less scared of losing control and I even learnt to not just trust the process, but embrace the flow of life. 

And that’s why I want to reveal to you the three quiet little lies that my perfection chasing, always- wanting-to-be-in-control mind used to whisper to me every single morning to keep me on a hamster wheel to Emotional Spiral town. 

I bet these are the same lies your mind may be whispering to you as well. 

The first lie is a doozy and one I believed with all my heart. It is the hardest one to reframe, process and for me, let go of. 

Lie #1: Control Equals Safety. 

I used to think that if I could control the important variables in my life, then I would be safe from failure, disappointment and well…ruin. 

However, since life is very much like a flowing river, trying to manually change the course of the water like you would turn a more tangible thing, like a boulder does not yield the same results. 

Control in this way is exhausting and counter-productive, not only does the river ignore your efforts, but if you’re like me, then it loops in your mind and the fear you felt about losing control takes over, making everything that much more terrifying, unsafe and doom-coded.

I’ve found instead of bracing for the worst or trying to force my will, I’ve learnt to believe and decide that no matter what  is happening, I’m safe, loved and supported, therefore I can let go of trying to correct the narrative and be curious about what happens next. 

I can embrace the messy chaos, and know that it has no actual power over me.

 It’s not above my will, therefore I’m in control in a different way, a way that actually gently diverts the river without stopping its flow. 

A way that allows us both to coexist and find joy in the now. 

So let’s get you out of this spiral by taking your first unscripted step towards moving away from this lie. 

The next time you feel the panic, and the urge to control a situation you know damned well you can’t, ask yourself, "What if I let go of this one small detail? What if I chose curiosity over control?"

The second lie is one that made me take a sabbatical from social media, because nothing screams ‘ you’re not enough’ than constantly being bombarded by stimuli preaching that message in various, exciting forms of media.

Lie #2: Comparison is a Compass.

When I first launched Ashlee Unscripted, I had no earthly idea what I was doing- I still don’t, but I’m less triggered now- and so I consumed just about all kinds of media, around advice, strategy and ‘how-tos’ available to me. 

And let me tell you, after a while of no real progress, I started comparing myself to my coaches, to other content creators and authors, coming to the conclusion that the problem had to be me. 

I was clearly missing something or maybe…I was just not good enough to be successful. 

This was a terrible thought and it drop-kicked me head-long into the rabbit-hole that is trying to make everything more perfect so I’d be safe.

Look, can we be honest right now?

Of course we use the flawless feeds and curated lives of others as our roadmap. 

Of course we want a taste of a life that looks so yummy and perfect ,and of course we can get really obsessed with trying to edit our lives to look just like theirs. 

Some of us actually succeed, most of us fail. All of us learn what really matters and works for our unique selves either way. 

So your  first unscripted step for this lie is to empower yourself by refocusing on your own life.

 Open the social media app that makes you crave that edited life the most. 

Now here comes the hard part: I want you to scroll past the first three perfect posts curated for you. 

Acknowledge them, and then completely close the app. 

Take a moment to breathe in deeply and then exhale for a long count of 6. 

Repeat until you feel calm and then allow yourself to refocus on the beautiful, messy reality right in front of you.

This reality looks different than those posts and thank God. 

This reality is yours to play with, to enjoy, this is what you created, so allow yourself to appreciate how it supports you and remind yourself of three things you like about it. 

Practice this often.

The third and last lie is one that to me is the sneakiest of them all. 

It’s the noble art of delayed gratification, but on a deeper level.

Lie #3: Joy is Delayed. 

If you’re like me with this one - and I believe whole heartedly that you are- you’ve been telling yourself that you’ll be happy when you’ve achieved something. 

For example, “I'll be happy once the house is clean," or "I'll start that project when I have more money/time/energy." 

This is one of those sneaky ways you’re chasing perfection, but also allowing yourself to weaponise your procrastination, because the truth, as I’ve found it, is that you’re not actually going to be ‘happy’ when these things occur, or at least not as long as you could be. 

You’ll feel a bit of happiness, some relief and then you’ll find a new thing to once again be happy about when it is over. 

The loop is wild and it’s because perfection makes joy into a future event. Never something you can just enjoy because you’re here and you can. 

In choosing to embrace the chaos, I’ve learnt that I don’t need a reason, an accomplishment or resources to feel joy right now and neither do you. 

It’s not about receiving permission, rather it’s a decision you can choose to experience right now.

 It’s always available to you.

Your Unscripted Step for this lie is super easy if you’re willing to try.

 Find one thing you can do right now—in the next five minutes—that brings you joy. Don't wait for permission or the perfect moment.

So there you have it Script-Breakers, the 3 lies of a perfection chasing mind and how to not only combat them, but empower yourself to let go and let flow. 

In my opinion, the greatest act of self care is in choosing to live your life today, not waiting for the allegedly ‘perfect’ version of yourself to show up some time in the murky future. 

It’s an ongoing practice and the first step as you’ve probably noticed as you’ve read the post is in simply being aware of the lies you’ve been telling yourself that has kept you stuck in this loop. 

If you're ready to jump into the practice of imperfection and share the beautiful, messy reality of your life, then you are ready for

our next community experiment…  to be found on our Patreon.

XOXO, Ashlee