I Couldn’t Help But Wonder… Was He a Habit?

You're at the café, sipping your perfect oat-milk latte, or maybe you’re just in the deep, fluorescent glow of a social media doom-scroll session. 

The sun is technically shining, you’re technically thriving, and then wham! 

He—or she—appears.

Like a rogue, grey cloud promising ruin on an otherwise sun-drenched Wednesday, your ex pops into your field of vision. 

They look infuriatingly carefree, impossibly oblivious, and as you take in their familiar, non-fatal features, the question hits you, clean and cold: "Why did I ever like you?"

It sounds petty, doesn't it? 

A bit dramatic, perhaps. 

But as I sat there, idly replaying my last interaction with my own exes, and looking at their profile pics on IG, I couldn’t help but wonder: Was the attraction ever about them, or was it always about the pattern?

The Ridge in the Record

We all have our dating checklist. 

You know, the mental ledger of preferred attributes for our potential partner: Must love dogs, hate cilantro, and never use the word 'hubby.'

And all of this is supposed to inform and shape our dating type, i.e the person we think we will be most compatible with.

Yet, when the relationship dissolves, the autopsy report always cites the same killers: incompatible personalities and morals. 

So, if we know what we want, and we know what doesn't work, why do so many of us—according to the smart people at the University of Toronto—just keep dating the same person in different bodies?