An Inside Look into The One About The Glitches
It never occurred to me that a glitching laptop and mobile phone could trigger my insecurities, dread and fears so easily or so massively… but that is exactly what happened
just as I was working on an important document on my laptop, plunging me into a deep, dark spiral of fear, and stress.
“My eyes lock onto the glaring computer screen, and I feel the beating of my heart increase, thumping belligerently against my chest.
My lungs choke up, my stomach cramp and my brain freezes at the horror unfolding before me.
It feels as if I am valiantly trying to pull cold air into already frozen, tiny lungs-, lungs that are too busy being in shock at the insanity currently transpiring on my laptop, to work properly.
In those quick seconds, my consciousness finally processes what is happening, and I know true, unadulterated, millennial fear.
Almost instantly I am swamped by the kind of icy, prickly, blanketing terror that is causing this cold fusion reaction to detonate within my own body.
There is only one thing I am focusing on right now and it is the horror show unfolding in real time on my laptop, which is causing my body to burn both hot and cold in unreal intervals, as I sit appalled on one of my wooden breakfast chairs with its abstract designed cushion of green, white and taupe, eyes affixed to the screen.”- excerpt from
The One About The Glitches.
Suddenly I was bombarded with a tsunami of strongly mixed emotions, including, fear, doubt, betrayal and a sense of affirmation that ‘of course’ this horrible thing had happened to me specifically, during this time in my life.
I was swamped and almost buried by my limiting beliefs, while feeling so full of despair and dread and resignation that I was absolutely sure that the whole world was against me.
And in the midst of all of that my scarcity mindset-
that mindset created by the deep, repetitive belief that you will not have more than, or an improvement on what you do right now. And if you do manage this, it will be an arduous process filled with doubt and fear and after all of that, it can be taken away very easily anyway.
– reminded me that this bad luck and potential disaster was just how my life was and would continue to be…
During this time, I was flat out broke, my business was not making any money at all and I was easily triggered because I had connected the success of my business and my ability to make money to my ability to survive.
Hence, failure and continued lack of income seemed to be mocking me, haunting me, which kept me triggered and on the edge of being burnt out often.
Now add the two resources I needed to change my fate, also giving up on me and you can begin to understand the kind of emotional and mental turmoil I was spiralling into on the regular.
It felt as if I was being swallowed up by this rampant, all consuming emotional onslaught as the rampaging tornado of insecurities, dread, betrayal and the never-ending terror around the seemingly inevitable ending of my entrepreneurial dreams all broke free, swamping me.
I regretted all my life choices that had brought me to this point and then just left me…
“What I’m really mad about is the feeling of being powerless and trapped.
That feeling of knowing that right now I am broke and can see no viable way to resolve my current dilemma.
I am pissed because I feel less than.
I am enraged that as an adult who has been trying to generate money in her business, I have failed and continue to fail.
I’m angry that even as I am pursuing my dreams, my dreams are apparently not pursuing me with any kind of the fiery passion I would love them to.
I am afraid of money- making too little and making too much- and I’m losing my hope and faith in my success at creating a lifestyle that feels so safe, happy and warm for myself.
If I’m being honest, recently I’ve not felt abundant or capable, rather I feel as if I’m in constant famine and it sucks so much!
It feels as if no matter what I do or how much I try to rise above my money woes, I will be knocked back into the ocean of scarcity at a moment’s notice and there is just nothing I can do about it, even as I continue to wage a one-sided war against the sheer unjustness of it all.
It’s the war of the scarcity mindset.”- excerpt taken from
The One About The Glitches.
But I’m a fighter and through the pain, through the shame, judgment and sheer fear, I was determined not to allow myself to go all in with that nagging rhetoric that called me a flat out failure.
On this day, in order to move forward, I had to learn how to ground myself and begin the healing process. I had to learn how to achieve neutrality.
Within The Ashlee Chronicles’ The One About the Glitches, I share not only how I was triggered and faced this adversity, which dredged up all the fears, disappointments and insecurities of my past, but also the techniques that allowed me to see what felt like such a huge threat to my survival and a blow to my own self-esteem as a neutral event that didn’t actually mean anything about me.
It is my hope that if you’ve ever felt triggered by a bad day in ways that others just can’t seem to understand or relate to, or if you’re felt as if the world is out to get you one event at a time, that reading this book helped you to have more control over your mind and what is actually possible for you!
When you’re ready to explore how to begin the healing process of unhealthy money relationships and taking the charge out of seemingly devastating events,
The One About The Glitches
is just a click away.
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