Still Chasing Perfection? Here’s How to Embrace Unscripted Chaos

Last week, I talked about giving up the chase for perfection and finding joy in the chaos. 

I meant every word. 

But after re-reading that post, I couldn’t help but wonder if you were thinking: Well, that sounds great and all Ashlee, but how do I actually stop? It’s a mindset I’ve been building for decades!

And you’re absolutely right to ask, because the truth isn’t as simple as deciding which ice-cream flavour between chocolate and vanilla.

Script-Breaker, let me admit right here and right now that I did not stop chasing my ideals around perfection due to one ‘aha’ moment, rather I had to commit to making one tiny mental adjustment every time I caught myself starting to arrange those metaphorical throw pillows again.

While I never said it would be easy to stop the addiction for perfection, and actually embracing such a wild thing as chaos, I can say that it’s worth it to feel less stressed out, less scared of losing control and I even learnt to not just trust the process, but embrace the flow of life. 

And that’s why I want to reveal to you the three quiet little lies that my perfection chasing, always- wanting-to-be-in-control mind used to whisper to me every single morning to keep me on a hamster wheel to Emotional Spiral town. 

I bet these are the same lies your mind may be whispering to you as well. 

The first lie is a doozy and one I believed with all my heart. It is the hardest one to reframe, process and for me, let go of. 

Lie #1: Control Equals Safety. 

I used to think that if I could control the important variables in my life, then I would be safe from failure, disappointment and well…ruin. 

However, since life is very much like a flowing river, trying to manually change the course of the water like you would turn a more tangible thing, like a boulder does not yield the same results. 

Control in this way is exhausting and counter-productive, not only does the river ignore your efforts, but if you’re like me, then it loops in your mind and the fear you felt about losing control takes over, making everything that much more terrifying, unsafe and doom-coded.

I’ve found instead of bracing for the worst or trying to force my will, I’ve learnt to believe and decide that no matter what is happening, I’m safe, loved and supported, therefore I can let go of trying to correct the narrative and be curious about what happens next. 

I can embrace the messy chaos, and know that it has no actual power over me.

 It’s not above my will, therefore I’m in control in a different way, a way that actually gently diverts the river without stopping its flow. 

A way that allows us both to coexist and find joy in the now. 

So let’s get you out of this spiral by taking your first unscripted step towards moving away from this lie. 

The next time you feel the panic, and the urge to control a situation you know damned well you can’t, ask yourself, "What if I let go of this one small detail? What if I chose curiosity over control?"

The second lie is one that made me take a sabbatical from social media, because nothing screams ‘ you’re not enough’ than constantly being bombarded by stimuli preaching that message in various, exciting forms of media.



Lie #2: Comparison is a Compass.